Getting Rid of the "Shoulds"...

Jason Fruithandler, a student at JTS, offered this reflection about the retreat for the Aleph cohort of the Fellowship that concluded today:

At the retreat, we were asked to think about our vision for the Jewish world and part of mine was to remove the word "should" form our vocabulary. Too often I find myself slipping into the mindset of looking at other Jews as what they should be. It doesn't permit me to see who they are. Worse, it creates expectations that will never be met or, will be met but only out of guilt. However, when I am able to switch the mode of thinking from "should" to "can" I am able to see people for who they are. Then my job is to show what opportunities and possibilities Judaism offer. When my vocabulary switches I am able to present an exciting form of Judaism and it becomes the congregant's option to take part in the meaningful Jewish life I am describing. My responsibility becomes crafting a picture, an image, an idea of how to live a Jewish life that is full of depth, seriousness, and subtlety. My job becomes creating experiences that act as a window into the kind of experiences that make Judaism inspiring to me. My vision for the Jewish people is one in which we approach our lives as Jews with the mindset of "what can be" rather than a mindset of "what should be."